oh fer chrissakes

"Do you still beat your wife?"

So this happened.

If you haven't heard about it, you can go here, or here, or here, or just Google "What's your excuse?"

And the problem here isn't that a woman is proud of her accomplishment. It's the question at the top of her picture, which is a nightmare of circular logic to try to answer. I'm not going to call this woman a bully, because I think that word is not only over-used, but really not the right one. What it should say is something more along the lines of "Why don't you look like me?" (and doesn't EVERY glossy image want us to ask that of ourselves?) or "Why aren't your priorities the same as mine?"

Here's the deal for me. I worked out for two hours a day for over six months. Ate 1200-ish calories each day. Ate well. Worked with a trainer. Maintained my full-time job and part-time college student status.I also had children, no nannies, and so on.  Didn't look a thing like that.  Couldn't look a thing like that. Whatever this woman has to say, genetics matter, methods of birth matter, lots of things matter, and they're NOT. EXCUSES.

I would like to unleash a tide of scathing sarcasm, but that's already been done ad nauseum, and besides, it's playing the same game and I'll pass.

Instead, I'll say this: A writer could stack some books up there and say "What's your excuse?" to all the people out there struggling to write. A business person or financial wiz might stack up their bank account and assets. A runner, their race times. On and on, but the point is, it's about priorities. And frankly, there are other things that are more important to me. I'm pretty sure there are several areas where my "accomplishments" (aided by genetics, my career field and a thousand or so life circumstances) could let me turn the question around on Ms. Kang.

The problem, in short, isn't the picture or Ms. Kang's obvious devotion to fitness. The problem is her assumption that every other mother out there should WANT to have the same priorities, and have no excuse not to look like her. And since she makes her money on selling fitness, I guess it makes sense. Thing is, I'm not buying.

You shouldn't either.

small setbacks

So last weekend I enjoyed a walk in the deep-ish sand along the shore of the Columbia River delta. I had no idea I was overtaxing my calf muscle, but it turns out I was, and this has put the brakes on my big plans to begin training.

I spent the week taking it easy, using ice, Flexeril, megadoses of naproxen and elevation as much as possible. The reward is that I can now slowly begin slowly stretching the calf, just to the edge of feeling it, so I can start walking after a few more weeks. Right now I can at least walk on it (which is a huge improvement), but no walking fast, and certain weird movements hurt like hell.  So, stretches, a few more weeks of taking it easy (I HEAR YOU, UNIVERSE), and then ...

AKA...

yes, and...

I started WW today; weighed in at home this morning, and then again at the office as soon as I got in. My scale is pretty danged accurate, which is good to know. It helps that my cube-neighbor is the meeting leader, so I can weigh in when it works for me. I like to do it first thing in the AM, before breakfast and coffee.

I was up in the middle of the night last night, thinking about this resolution and my feelings about HAES. I still believe pretty strongly that I can have a healthy body at any size, particularly when the markers are things like blood pressure, resting heart rate, cholesterol levels, energy and so on. I was irritated as hell by this Time magazine article that felt the need to put the word healthy in quotations simply because it was next to the word obesity. That said, I also know my knees, ankles and back are being stressed by carrying more weight. I'm not interested in reaching WW's goal for me, but I am interested in dropping enough that it doesn't hurt to be active.

I'm examining the need to apologize for this, or to frame it with HAES. I think I'm still feeling the sting of that Fitocracy group that disallowed ANY discussion of weight that included losing it. I went from feeling like I had safe space in HAES groups to feeling like there was none, particularly given that the moderator dug through old, dead threads to find my relatively innocent question about age and the body's response to increased activity (i.e. does getting older mean the body doesn't respond to training for a half marathon and eating healthy with weight loss - if so, cool, I'm normal, but if not, should I check with a doctor?).

Balance, of course, is the key. It's okay to recognize that MY body will act differently if I weigh less. It's okay to want that. It's okay to have a goal that includes healthy weight loss. And it's kind of ridiculous that I have to walk through this litany almost hourly.

I have long maintained that a person's journey to health is highly individual. There are general guidelines, but I really feel that each person should listen closely to their body for the best advice. And maybe that's the REAL problem here. People - and women in particular - are so used to giving away authority over their bodies and how they work, that they look externally for answers to how to be healthy. Science is a great place to start, but it's nigh unto never that any study has a 100% effect. It's important to remember that. It's important for ME to remember that.

I started out this year thinking of health as a journey, one both inward and outward, and I'm going to end it that way too. I'm going to remember there's more of "yes, and" than "yes, but." And I'm going to listen intently for the wise voice inside.

Next Up... A Full Marathon. Yeah. I've Officially Lost My Mind. :-)

I have woefully moved away from healthy habits since moving. I think training helps me stay on track, so I'm going to kickstart with another training goal, this one being a marathon. I'm going to target the Hagg Hybrid because I love trails so much, and I think Train With Bain recommended it.

Right now my strategy is to deal with my still sore/weak ankle in two ways. First, I need to lose weight. I think I may see a bonus with less lower back/hip pain and less exercise-induced asthma. I'll be weighing in with WW tomorrow, and swearing off dairy and alcohol. This will also help me set an initial weight goal, as I have no idea where I currently am. I'll need to add a probiotic supplement to help my digestive tract, and pay good attention to what I'm eating. I'm tired of being tired AND I'm even more tired of dealing with an unhappy digestive tract. I know my eating habits are a culprit here.

The second part of my strategy is to start with the Zombies, Run 5K app and gradually work up. This will help build my ankle back up and calm my asthma symptoms down (I hope). Once I'm running 5K (I'm projecting by the end of December), then I'll start the "formal" marathon training, probably using Galloway's schedule with chi running technique. If they schedule Hagg Hybrid in the fall (September) like they did this year, then I should be okay.

Anyone out there with me? I'd like to work in some gentle cross-training, but I have massive fear around it since that's how I hurt my back in April. Thoughts? I do have access to a very limited gym. Does the elliptical count as cross-training?