Sunday, April 28, 2013
Lessons Learned
This week's lesson, boys and girls, was that you can still get heat exhaustion when it's 70-some degrees outside if you've been moving continuously for nearly 3 hours, didn't bring any electrolyte replacements (and find that chocolate doesn't work in a pinch), and only had about 16 oz. of Nuun water. At 8 miles I had a huge hill and that was the killer for me, just knocked out every reserve I had. I fought to hold on to 11 miles, but headed home at a little after 10, knowing I wasn't going to finish the last mile (though I did make it to 10.8). I knew I was in trouble when I nearly passed out as I was trying to cross the street to get to my house. I must have looked bad because I had cars stopping to let me cross on Cedar Hills Blvd and that just doesn't happen.
I've reviewed what happened. I drank plenty of water on Friday; I normally do well with this during the week. Getting enough water is never a problem for me. I like to drink it. I drank plenty of water before I left. I had a full serving of oatmeal (the old-fashioned kind), with about 1/4 c chopped walnuts, 1/4 c dried dates and 2 tbs brown sugar. I had a cup of coffee. I realized I didn't have the honey gummies I've been using, and stuck a couple squares of Dove dark chocolates in my pouch, hoping they'd do. I filled up my water bottle, added the Nuun tablet, and away I went. I had to stop within the first 15 minutes to pee, which is normal. I had to stop again about 30 minutes later. That made me think I was doing okay, actually. I knew it was way hotter than normal, and while I've spent a fair portion of the last two weekends running in the woods, it was all on concrete this weekend. I think that was a bad combination with the heat and sun. Add in that hill at 8 miles. Shake with a bit of chills at about 9 miles, and a serious feeling of exhaustion combined with tunnel-y vision whenever I stopped walking.
I'm trying to figure out how much more water I need and can reasonably carry when I'm out. I have a bottle that fits in my belt, and I don't know if I can fit anything bigger in it. I had a camelpak once and maybe I need to revisit that. I won't go out without the gummies again, and I'll follow my friend Heather's cues and start eating a pack every half hour after mile 6. I'm wondering if I need to go with scrambled egg whites and salsa in place of my oatmeal, maybe with some good, dense whole grain toast. I'm also wondering if I should be eating differently the night before. I had pizza this week. Think I'll pass on doing that again. And I think I'll go back to doing large portions in the woods.
And the second part of the story was the serious self-talk I had to do to fight through Saturday. I switched between berating myself for not thinking ahead to cheering myself through wanting to quit. I really am both my own worst enemy and best champion. I had a crazy-ass week at work, lots of travel, lots of being "Super Me" and I didn't work out all week, other than Monday. That was part of the berating - I can't do Saturdays only. So I'm going to try getting up in the morning instead of evening workouts. That's going to require some serious self-coaching. I hate mornings. Really hate them. If I had my druthers I would never be out of bed before 9 AM. And I think I'm gonna have to pick up a 5 AM wake-up to do this. But if I can stick with this for so long - and do the other things I've done in the past few years, I can do this, right? I sure hope so. And I hope long distance walks and runs are rarely like the one I had this past weekend. That pretty much sucked.
Monday, April 22, 2013
So Much to Say
It's been almost two weeks since I last posted, and it feels like two months. Boston. That happened. And I wanted to write about it, but I ran instead. I found Tualatin Hills Nature Park and fell in love with the trails. I wogged there two weekends in a row and will likely make this weekend a third. And I wogged 10 miles last Saturday, a feat that is small beer to some, but a big ol' keg to me.
Last Monday I was shaken to the core by the bombing. I was working, noting tweets from local runners and their finish times when suddenly my local running store said, "What's happening in Boston?" I checked CNN and felt sucker-punched. For a long time, I wanted to think maybe it was a natural accident, but I think I knew better from the start. So I followed Twitter and the news through the day, in touch with my newfound community. And Monday night I did my training without music, running for the majority of the time. Instead of songs, I appreciated the children laughing at the park where I ran. I knew a child had died in Boston that day, and their laughter was a balm. I found more acts of compassion through the week and continue to support the survivors of that horrific event in the only way I know how - I appreciate what I can do. I appreciate my limbs. I feel connection with a greater body even as I run alone.
Before that, I found the nature park. Holy hells, I am so hooked on trails and dirt and mud rather than asphalt and concrete and car exhaust. I'm committed to these half marathons, a 10K and a 5K through August, but after that, it's going to be all about the trails. I was enchanted. Enchanted! There isn't a better word. The occasional mist, the mud, the spongy earth... the scents! (And, ahem, the apparent fragrant celebration on this past Saturday of 4/20.) And fat little curious squirrels. Slow-moving grazing deer. Frogs. I swear to the freaking gods I was like Snow White with the damned singing birds. Or... maybe more like Fiona in Shrek. Either way, I love it, I look forward to it and I can easily spend hours doing it. The connection I feel to these woods is sublime, magickal and divine. This is what it means to look upon the faces of the gods.
More mundanely, I've been thinking a great deal about the finer points of training, looking for some feedback. I'm trying to work with the chirunning form, but I really need a mirror or something to make sure I'm getting it right. Certainly it feels awkward enough. I am marveling at how my body can be so absolutely drained and sore after I finish the long runs, but bounces back the next day with minimal soreness. I have never had a movement experience like this and I'm loving it. I want to run more, I want to skip faster through the woods, and I'm working on the how without the excessive pain. So intervals of running now. Somewhere in June I think I'll add some serious cross-training in, yoga and maybe some strength training. I want it to be stuff I can do at home, preferably in the backyard.
So yeah. 11 miles on Saturday, then tapering until the 1/2 on May 19th. I have a 10K on Cinco de Mayo. I'm trying to set myself up not to chicken out. Wish me luck!
Last Monday I was shaken to the core by the bombing. I was working, noting tweets from local runners and their finish times when suddenly my local running store said, "What's happening in Boston?" I checked CNN and felt sucker-punched. For a long time, I wanted to think maybe it was a natural accident, but I think I knew better from the start. So I followed Twitter and the news through the day, in touch with my newfound community. And Monday night I did my training without music, running for the majority of the time. Instead of songs, I appreciated the children laughing at the park where I ran. I knew a child had died in Boston that day, and their laughter was a balm. I found more acts of compassion through the week and continue to support the survivors of that horrific event in the only way I know how - I appreciate what I can do. I appreciate my limbs. I feel connection with a greater body even as I run alone.
Before that, I found the nature park. Holy hells, I am so hooked on trails and dirt and mud rather than asphalt and concrete and car exhaust. I'm committed to these half marathons, a 10K and a 5K through August, but after that, it's going to be all about the trails. I was enchanted. Enchanted! There isn't a better word. The occasional mist, the mud, the spongy earth... the scents! (And, ahem, the apparent fragrant celebration on this past Saturday of 4/20.) And fat little curious squirrels. Slow-moving grazing deer. Frogs. I swear to the freaking gods I was like Snow White with the damned singing birds. Or... maybe more like Fiona in Shrek. Either way, I love it, I look forward to it and I can easily spend hours doing it. The connection I feel to these woods is sublime, magickal and divine. This is what it means to look upon the faces of the gods.
More mundanely, I've been thinking a great deal about the finer points of training, looking for some feedback. I'm trying to work with the chirunning form, but I really need a mirror or something to make sure I'm getting it right. Certainly it feels awkward enough. I am marveling at how my body can be so absolutely drained and sore after I finish the long runs, but bounces back the next day with minimal soreness. I have never had a movement experience like this and I'm loving it. I want to run more, I want to skip faster through the woods, and I'm working on the how without the excessive pain. So intervals of running now. Somewhere in June I think I'll add some serious cross-training in, yoga and maybe some strength training. I want it to be stuff I can do at home, preferably in the backyard.
So yeah. 11 miles on Saturday, then tapering until the 1/2 on May 19th. I have a 10K on Cinco de Mayo. I'm trying to set myself up not to chicken out. Wish me luck!
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Input, Please!
Okay running friends, particularly those of you with bodies more like mine, I have some questions. I know I could probably dig around forever in news forums and magazine articles to find this info, but I'd rather hear from you, so I can ask follow-up questions if I want.
First and foremost, my previous attempts at becoming a runner were sidelined really early due to injuries, mostly severe shin splints. I thought that was because of my weight, but recent research has shown that it's not about the size of the runner. It's more likely to be about the shoe, or the form or taking on too much too soon. And I'm famous for the latter. So this time, I've managed to not have an injury. In fact, I haven't had anything beyond the pleasant kind of muscle soreness that reminds me I'm working my body, but doesn't keep from continuing to work my body. I have huge fear of getting an injury, however, and having this whole thing blow up again.
So with that in mind, here's my first question. I'm noticing that when I come back from walking for more than an hour (like during the mileage training on Saturdays) OR when I wog (that's my term for the walk/jog intervals I started last week) I have a weird aching feeling in my upper legs that's accompanied by a feeling of weakness. It roughly follows the tracking of my IT band, but it doesn't hurt like my IT band did when it got all tight in prior attempts. After a hot bath and a little rest (maybe an hour), it subsides, and I'm left with just that pleasant overall soreness. Is this something anyone else experiences? Does it mean I'm working just hard enough to improve or does it mean I'm doing too much? You don't necessarily have to know the answer for my body, of course, but I'm interested to know if anyone else has this experience.
The second thing that's puzzling me is around nutrition and how my body is reacting to all this. I've said (and meant) that this is not about a weight loss adventure. I'm doing this for many reasons, but the top one is curiousity about what I can do and joy in what I'm finding. I've changed my eating habits somewhat in response to how I notice I feel when I train. I'm drinking FAR less alcohol. And while I used to be a diet soda junkie, I now go for weeks without it. I drink a helluva lot more water. Eat more fruits and veggies. Focus on eating "clean" because deep-friend and processed just tends to make me feel yucky and I noticed that I was running out of energy early on the days that was happening. On top of this, I'm out three days a week for at least 30 minutes of training and then I have the going-on two hour long session each Saturday. I have not lost a pound. Not one. And I'm not noticing a great difference in how my clothes fit (which I would expect if I were replacing fat with muscle). That seems weird to me. I'm not doing this to lose weight, as I said, and I'm not going to stop, but it seems very weird that cleaning up my eating and adding all this exercise hasn't made any changes at all. Wait, that's not true. There have been changes in endurance and speed, but nothing apparent in terms of body composition. Is this a middle-age thing? Because even 5 years ago, I'd be buying new clothes right now. Should I talk to a doc?
And that brings me to the third thing. Since I've been doing this and paying attention to my body, as well as reading and thinking about what kind of pace I want to have and so on, I've been thinking that maybe I should lose some weight. But I adamantly do NOT want my focus to change to that and I am very scared it will. I kind of thought maybe just cleaning up my eating and adding all this activity would do the trick, but so far it has not. I'm considering a move to a borderline vegan diet to see what happens, but I have to admit to deep fear of tinkering too much with what I'm eating and putting a lot of restrictions around it. Once that happens, a host of other neurotic behaviors will be triggered and I'm doing so well with NOT having that happen! So how might I go about making changes and keeping the focus on what I want to do with my body (the athletics) without it spiraling into a focus on my worth and societal values (the aesthetics)? And what if the only way I can lose weight is to really restrict my calories? Might I just have to live with what I can do now with endurance and speed and know that's my limit? I'm being rhetorical at this point. I've done so well with keeping this focus on the curiosity and joy and I don't want to lose that.
Fourth thing. So I'm almost done with Christopher McDougall's "Born to Run," which fits in nicely with the reading on chirunning I've done. The science and arguments they offer are compelling, especially since McDougall is also a big person. I'm becoming thoughtful about my form and wanting to apply the things I'm learning to my practice. It seems like I'd have to be actually running - rather than jogging or wogging - for this form to matter? That's a question, because I'm having difficulty visualizing the form at a slow pace. Anyone have a clue what I'm talking about, and even better, thoughts or an opinion?
I'm going to bring as much of this up as I can with my coaches on Saturday, but those conversations are always a little rushed (since they happen while we're walking very fast) and none of my coaches seem to be dealing with the issues I am. Of course, that could just be my perception and I'm open to that possibility. Still, the more talking I can do with fellow walk/wog/jog or run type folks, the better.
First and foremost, my previous attempts at becoming a runner were sidelined really early due to injuries, mostly severe shin splints. I thought that was because of my weight, but recent research has shown that it's not about the size of the runner. It's more likely to be about the shoe, or the form or taking on too much too soon. And I'm famous for the latter. So this time, I've managed to not have an injury. In fact, I haven't had anything beyond the pleasant kind of muscle soreness that reminds me I'm working my body, but doesn't keep from continuing to work my body. I have huge fear of getting an injury, however, and having this whole thing blow up again.
So with that in mind, here's my first question. I'm noticing that when I come back from walking for more than an hour (like during the mileage training on Saturdays) OR when I wog (that's my term for the walk/jog intervals I started last week) I have a weird aching feeling in my upper legs that's accompanied by a feeling of weakness. It roughly follows the tracking of my IT band, but it doesn't hurt like my IT band did when it got all tight in prior attempts. After a hot bath and a little rest (maybe an hour), it subsides, and I'm left with just that pleasant overall soreness. Is this something anyone else experiences? Does it mean I'm working just hard enough to improve or does it mean I'm doing too much? You don't necessarily have to know the answer for my body, of course, but I'm interested to know if anyone else has this experience.
The second thing that's puzzling me is around nutrition and how my body is reacting to all this. I've said (and meant) that this is not about a weight loss adventure. I'm doing this for many reasons, but the top one is curiousity about what I can do and joy in what I'm finding. I've changed my eating habits somewhat in response to how I notice I feel when I train. I'm drinking FAR less alcohol. And while I used to be a diet soda junkie, I now go for weeks without it. I drink a helluva lot more water. Eat more fruits and veggies. Focus on eating "clean" because deep-friend and processed just tends to make me feel yucky and I noticed that I was running out of energy early on the days that was happening. On top of this, I'm out three days a week for at least 30 minutes of training and then I have the going-on two hour long session each Saturday. I have not lost a pound. Not one. And I'm not noticing a great difference in how my clothes fit (which I would expect if I were replacing fat with muscle). That seems weird to me. I'm not doing this to lose weight, as I said, and I'm not going to stop, but it seems very weird that cleaning up my eating and adding all this exercise hasn't made any changes at all. Wait, that's not true. There have been changes in endurance and speed, but nothing apparent in terms of body composition. Is this a middle-age thing? Because even 5 years ago, I'd be buying new clothes right now. Should I talk to a doc?
And that brings me to the third thing. Since I've been doing this and paying attention to my body, as well as reading and thinking about what kind of pace I want to have and so on, I've been thinking that maybe I should lose some weight. But I adamantly do NOT want my focus to change to that and I am very scared it will. I kind of thought maybe just cleaning up my eating and adding all this activity would do the trick, but so far it has not. I'm considering a move to a borderline vegan diet to see what happens, but I have to admit to deep fear of tinkering too much with what I'm eating and putting a lot of restrictions around it. Once that happens, a host of other neurotic behaviors will be triggered and I'm doing so well with NOT having that happen! So how might I go about making changes and keeping the focus on what I want to do with my body (the athletics) without it spiraling into a focus on my worth and societal values (the aesthetics)? And what if the only way I can lose weight is to really restrict my calories? Might I just have to live with what I can do now with endurance and speed and know that's my limit? I'm being rhetorical at this point. I've done so well with keeping this focus on the curiosity and joy and I don't want to lose that.
Fourth thing. So I'm almost done with Christopher McDougall's "Born to Run," which fits in nicely with the reading on chirunning I've done. The science and arguments they offer are compelling, especially since McDougall is also a big person. I'm becoming thoughtful about my form and wanting to apply the things I'm learning to my practice. It seems like I'd have to be actually running - rather than jogging or wogging - for this form to matter? That's a question, because I'm having difficulty visualizing the form at a slow pace. Anyone have a clue what I'm talking about, and even better, thoughts or an opinion?
I'm going to bring as much of this up as I can with my coaches on Saturday, but those conversations are always a little rushed (since they happen while we're walking very fast) and none of my coaches seem to be dealing with the issues I am. Of course, that could just be my perception and I'm open to that possibility. Still, the more talking I can do with fellow walk/wog/jog or run type folks, the better.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Anniversaries Are Neutral
After doing a triumphant morning run on Monday, I was caught unaware yesterday by the two year anniversary of my dad's sudden death. It's not that I didn't realize April 9th was coming. It was more that I was busy enough that I kept it out of my mind. My body remembered though.
When I woke up Tuesday morning, all the euphoria from Monday was gone. Since I was only thinking of it as "Tuesday," and not "April 9th," I didn't realize why I was so bummed until the day was almost over and I was forced to write the date on something. Once I printed the numbers - 4/9 - I literally sat back in my seat. Then I brought up Facebook and wrote, "Well shit. I just looked at the calendar. No wonder I woke up blue today. I miss my dad. :-("
Some anniversaries suck.
So I took the day and wallowed in feeling sad and mourning. I drank too much wine. I listened to songs we listened to together. I thought about him. I missed him. I had conversations in my head where I veered between bitching at him for being gone and trying to catch him up on all that's happened since he left. I talked to my mom. I had support from friends and family all over.
When I woke up this morning, I felt pretty crappy. No more full bottles of wine for me while training. I didn't wog then, but I will tonight. And I feel so much lighter for letting myself have that day. Funny what happens when I stop fighting things. My mood now is back to happy, back to looking forward to training.
And so the roller coaster coasts.
When I woke up Tuesday morning, all the euphoria from Monday was gone. Since I was only thinking of it as "Tuesday," and not "April 9th," I didn't realize why I was so bummed until the day was almost over and I was forced to write the date on something. Once I printed the numbers - 4/9 - I literally sat back in my seat. Then I brought up Facebook and wrote, "Well shit. I just looked at the calendar. No wonder I woke up blue today. I miss my dad. :-("
Some anniversaries suck.
So I took the day and wallowed in feeling sad and mourning. I drank too much wine. I listened to songs we listened to together. I thought about him. I missed him. I had conversations in my head where I veered between bitching at him for being gone and trying to catch him up on all that's happened since he left. I talked to my mom. I had support from friends and family all over.
When I woke up this morning, I felt pretty crappy. No more full bottles of wine for me while training. I didn't wog then, but I will tonight. And I feel so much lighter for letting myself have that day. Funny what happens when I stop fighting things. My mood now is back to happy, back to looking forward to training.
And so the roller coaster coasts.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Unintentional Time Off
This has been an unexpectedly crazy week. I had an upper GI, which threw off my training more than I planned. I started my final class for my MS degree, finishing up the incomplete from last term. My youngest was diagnosed with inattentive ADD and won her school's spelling bee (district bee today). My oldest had an unusual migraine experience and needed to go to the ER yesterday. So basically, I missed two runs this week.
Yesterday and to some extent, the day before, I had some serious anxiety about whether this would be "The Thing" that ended this running gig. Lots of times before The Thing has done just that. But... not this time. Today I woke up feeling pretty good (maybe the last of the demerol finally exited my system) and back on fire for this endurance running thing.
So here I am, racking up tomorrow's playlist and route, because I'm going to do the 6 miles on my own so I can come home and get to work on my final paper.
Sorry depression and anxiety. You don't win today. And I don't think it looks too good for tomorrow either.
Yesterday and to some extent, the day before, I had some serious anxiety about whether this would be "The Thing" that ended this running gig. Lots of times before The Thing has done just that. But... not this time. Today I woke up feeling pretty good (maybe the last of the demerol finally exited my system) and back on fire for this endurance running thing.
So here I am, racking up tomorrow's playlist and route, because I'm going to do the 6 miles on my own so I can come home and get to work on my final paper.
Sorry depression and anxiety. You don't win today. And I don't think it looks too good for tomorrow either.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Really? Still in Love?
I have been thinking about this entry since I finished my training on Saturday. I power-walked 7 miles. I would have jogged part of it, but I had someone with me and I wanted to make sure she was okay. I'll start incorporating more jogging into my training this weekend. I'm super excited, then, for next week's 6 mile training because I expect to see a nice increase in my pace.
And I guess that's what I want to write about, what strikes me as most remarkable at this point. I started this journey on February 23rd. I did not give it a lot of forethought; I received an email on Thursday afternoon, checked in with my partner about the funds, signed up and showed up on Saturday. I was overwhelmed and almost left that first day when I saw how many people there were, but I didn't. A lot of it was sheer stubbornness, but it was also what I heard in that first talk. I knew it was something I needed to try.
That coincided with a webinar put on by the founder of The Body is Not an Apology, Sonya Renee Taylor. That webinar, in combination with the new Portland Fit training program, shifted something in me. I'd been flirting with body positivity and the HAES movement for years, but more recently my own struggles with depression, being out of shape and not taking care of myself pushed me to do something. And so that weekend started a journey.
Five weeks later, I am still champing at the bit on training days. On rest days, I'm forcing myself to rest, because I want to go out anyway. I can honestly say I've NEVER had this experience before. No, that's not entirely true. The last time I felt this way, I was probably ten or eleven and deeply involved with gymnastics. My mom yelled at me all the time for "flip-flopping" around (that phrase had a completely different connotation back then). Anything was potentially gymnastics apparatus. I thought about gymnastics all the time. I dreamed about it. And that's how I'm feeling about my walking/jogging/running journey. I think about it all the time. I read voraciously. I ask questions. I look to people for inspiration and encouragement. And I am wholly in love with this process of discovering what my body can do. I haven't felt this joy in far too long.
So I'm excited, I guess. Excited by what's happening, by where I am right now. I know it's just a moment in a line of moments. But I also feel that something is really shifting physically and emotionally, kind of like things shifted for me spiritually and emotionally when I had my first few years of Mystery School at Diana's Grove. And that's past due.
It's not to say, of course, that I won't continue to have struggles. I will, and I do. I know for sure that I'm putting away the scale until I can honestly say it's information only. As long as it has the power to jack up my day, it's staying in the garage. My body is too amazing to be boxed in by a number. And there will be crap sessions, like last Thursday. And days I'm tempted to sleep instead of going out. But for now, I'm so very hooked on the discovery and the good feels. And it's nice to walk through the life I've always imagined in Portland with a huge grin most of the time.
And I guess that's what I want to write about, what strikes me as most remarkable at this point. I started this journey on February 23rd. I did not give it a lot of forethought; I received an email on Thursday afternoon, checked in with my partner about the funds, signed up and showed up on Saturday. I was overwhelmed and almost left that first day when I saw how many people there were, but I didn't. A lot of it was sheer stubbornness, but it was also what I heard in that first talk. I knew it was something I needed to try.
That coincided with a webinar put on by the founder of The Body is Not an Apology, Sonya Renee Taylor. That webinar, in combination with the new Portland Fit training program, shifted something in me. I'd been flirting with body positivity and the HAES movement for years, but more recently my own struggles with depression, being out of shape and not taking care of myself pushed me to do something. And so that weekend started a journey.
Five weeks later, I am still champing at the bit on training days. On rest days, I'm forcing myself to rest, because I want to go out anyway. I can honestly say I've NEVER had this experience before. No, that's not entirely true. The last time I felt this way, I was probably ten or eleven and deeply involved with gymnastics. My mom yelled at me all the time for "flip-flopping" around (that phrase had a completely different connotation back then). Anything was potentially gymnastics apparatus. I thought about gymnastics all the time. I dreamed about it. And that's how I'm feeling about my walking/jogging/running journey. I think about it all the time. I read voraciously. I ask questions. I look to people for inspiration and encouragement. And I am wholly in love with this process of discovering what my body can do. I haven't felt this joy in far too long.
So I'm excited, I guess. Excited by what's happening, by where I am right now. I know it's just a moment in a line of moments. But I also feel that something is really shifting physically and emotionally, kind of like things shifted for me spiritually and emotionally when I had my first few years of Mystery School at Diana's Grove. And that's past due.
It's not to say, of course, that I won't continue to have struggles. I will, and I do. I know for sure that I'm putting away the scale until I can honestly say it's information only. As long as it has the power to jack up my day, it's staying in the garage. My body is too amazing to be boxed in by a number. And there will be crap sessions, like last Thursday. And days I'm tempted to sleep instead of going out. But for now, I'm so very hooked on the discovery and the good feels. And it's nice to walk through the life I've always imagined in Portland with a huge grin most of the time.
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